- 1
Alarm
A year after being left at the altar, Alf is still living – and bickering – with Camille, particularly over her leeching friend Michael. Alf's patience hits a new low when a car alarm outside the house goes off, so he decides to teach the driver a lesson.
- 2
Wheelchair
Alf decides to become one of Mrs. Thatcher's entrepreneurs. He enlists Michael's support in a car parking scheme on match day and starts a paper round.
- 3
Lesbian
After holding forth on moral issues, Alf goes to the pub where the big news is that Mr. Johnson's wife has left him for her lesbian lover. To make matters worse, she intends to move her into the marital home. Alf, of course, blames the French for introducing permissiveness into the country and ends up threatened by Mrs. Johnson for his pains.
- 4
Bad Leg
Alf is worried about Camille's bad leg, not out of any tender feelings, rather that her leg prevents her cooking and cleaning for him.
- 5
Wardrobe
Camille forces Alf to move her wardrobe, but he discovers a compartment containing a briefcase full of banknotes.
- 6
Money
Now wealthy, Alf sees life in a new way. The bank manager is curious as to how Alf acquired his money. Alf enters a private hospital to spend his money before he dies.
- 7
Snooker
Alf enjoys his newfound wealth and indulges in some of his hobbies: eating, drinking and looking after himself! In between, he tries to resist Min's amorous advances and foil the suspicious bank manager.