1YMCA Water Is Only 1% Water (99% Old People Hair)
Raph & Carolyn hold weights and wear a mouth prop for the entire episode. The traffic news blows up.
2News Anchor Wants to Sell You His Smelly Car
Carolyn ignores the weather to pitch her screenplay. Raph tells a starchy story about girl's sports.
3“I Hate My Kids” Says Most Moms
Ryan Creamer & Trapp report on a saucy skating event. Elaine Carroll freestyle raps about Netflix.
4Conservative Man Accidentally Donates $1 Million to Redtube
Grant & Rekha talk hot topics & topical hotness. Ryan Creamer covers a bird birth at a Clippers game.
5Announcing Frozen 3, Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire
Grant & Raph report on rabies babies. Zac Oyama shows how many marshmallows can fit in his mouth.
6BTK Killer Gives a Foreboding Weather Forecast
Hulk Jr. improvises a eulogy and Shukri R. Abdi mimes her report on a live nuclear strike.
7News Crew Plans Terrible Trip to the Beach
Ryan Creamer reports on the wet weather and tries to whistle with a spoonful of flour in his mouth.
8Special Musical Broadcast Really Wails
Shukri and Ally perform music for Brennan and Ryan to dance to.
9A Report from the CollegeHumor Office
Trapp & Katie read a riveting report from the office. The team shares their favorite Grant memories.
10U2 Gets Me Too’d at a Scooby Doo Read-Through
Local man Roger rants about snake socks. Brennan reports from a county fair that’s lost its bear.
11Millennials Are Ruining Our Trash
Lily and Mano reveal that brains don't do anything. Carolyn lists off everything millennials have ever ruined.
12Mom Disappointed in Son… Again
Rekha tells a meaty maternal story about Trapp, and Brennan dives into Breaking News lore.
13God Does a Really Mean Impression of John Lithgow
Straight from the Vatican, our news team report that God just fucking HATES actor John Lithgow.
14My Weekend Was the Plot of Mrs. Doubtfire
Erika tries to understand the nuances of Mrs. Doubtfire while Brennan explains sin-based weather.
15Hot Dogs Are Made from People (but Still Tasty)
Kellen and Zac report on the truth behind hot dogs. Tao warns of a product recall on dildos.
16Good Morning, River View High!
The student news team at River View High School bring you the latest news on field trip tragedies.
17Welcome to Bug News
A bunch of bugs bring you the latest in bug news. Buzz buzz!
18Brian Hitler Is One of the 10 Worst Brians
Trapp tries to name the worst Brians while Brennan explains exactly how to talk to your neighbors.
19I'm Getting a FaceTime from a Greasy Little Puppet
The news crew report on the Wight Savior Country Musical Festival and how not to flirt.
20Handshakes for Men, Hugs for Women
Amy shows off some new dances. Brennan is a 12 year old trapped in an adult's body.
21All Hail Cello Chigglers!
Patrick reveals he's Mrs. Butterworth's loving husband while Lily reports from inside your anus.
22Spit in Your Hand to Honor the Troops
Ryan and Amy do the hot new dance craze that’s sweeping the nation.
23True Confessions of Real Newscasters
Rekha and Becca reveal their actual experiences and opinions. Grant shows off his best impressions.
24Making Peanut Butter Sandwiches with a Bowling Ball
Zac talks about a hostage situation gone wrong, while Ally gets real about a missing persons case.
25Huge Idiot Climbs Mount Everest
Carolyn reveals she never saw It: Chapter Two while Kellen reports on a group of arm-loving doctors.